May 22, 2011

Birthday Party

Prompt from Writer's Island: sizzle

Bright balloons
burst with excitement
candles on cake
fizzle in celebration
noisemakers
applaud the day

     POP-
             Sizzle…
                        Bang!

8 comments:

  1. Yes, reminds one of the birthday fun of yester- years. I could imagine the balloons popping!

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  2. This would make a wonderful kid's piece...

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  3. what an exciting clip of birthday party scene.

    thanks for sharing.

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  4. nicely done...my 12 year old grandaughter really liked it also....thanks for sharing

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  5. I can both see AND hear this birthday party scene!

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  6. Hi Elizabeth,

    You can delete this comment after you read it if you wish: Try this poem totally in present tense:

    Bright balloons
    burst in excitement
    candles on cake
    fizzle with celebration
    noisemakers
    applaud the day

    Without the 'ing' forms, it reads stronger, I think.

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  7. Mary, that is a great suggestion, and one I will take! Thanks for sharing!

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  8. Isn't it great when a commenter dares to give just the advice that turns a good poem into a wonderful one? And even more so when the poet responds positively.

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